Bitter, Sweet Weddings

Weddings have always been bitter sweet for me and coming into this one I went full circle on emotions! Luckily I have the most gracious best friend who sat with me as I cried my eyes out after a gathering of our friends all couples talking about marriage and their weddings. I sat there smiling on the outside but feeling empty on the inside. I didn’t want to tell her afterwards because I always feel like I am the girl raining on other happiness and joy because of my struggles! But true friendship is built on love and compassion and we have that in abundance. I encouraged her to discuss wedding plans and her excitement and supported her through every step of engagement and the wedding. When I did get upset She wiped my tears away and never made me feeling my emotions where stupid. She didn’t just say ‘plenty of fish in the sea’ and ‘your time will come.’ She listened to me and heard me. She didn’t try and fix it just supported! The reason I am telling you this is because prior to this I would have looked for the solution by rushing into a ‘settling’ relationship to ease the pain. Yes it helped for a little while but just resulted in more pain. So now I am wading through the painful emotions that for so long I pushed away. I am learning to honour myself, see the value in myself and know I am enough on my own. I’ve been wondering whether to share more about this side of my life even though I know many of you follow me for the horse side. I feel sharing on social media helps me process but also comforts and encourages others going through the same thing.